Carl Sagan Ronald Reagan San Diegan Pagan

By: Paul J. Willett Back to Roth's Song Index

Signing up for graduate school turned out to be an ordeal.
Forms and cards and questionnaires, each one of them some big deal.
When finally the last form I saw I got a tad irate:
My religious preference they wanted me to state.

So I'm a...  Carl Sagan-Ronald-Reagan-San Diegan-Pagan.
Every other Tuesday though, I worship Israel’s Begin.
My sect is quite a singular one, my feelings are devout.
I want my group known ‘round the world, I want to have some clout.

This response was new to them, it put them in a dither.
Bureaucrats went scurrying ‘round, running yon and hither.
Finally came the section head to look into the row.
She came to me and made her stand, she said she wondered how

To be a...  Carl Sagan-Ronald-Reagan-San Diegan-Pagan?
Who every other Tuesday though will worship Israel’s Begin?
Have you gone mad? Have you gone nuts? Could you have had a fit?
I’m sending you upstairs to see my boss. Be done with it!

And so I went to see the man in charge of registration.
When I got done he started typing up his resignation.
His final words to me before he totally lost his mind
Were, "Well I'll be damned if we don’t stop perversions of your kind!"

You are a...  Carl Sagan-Ronald-Reagan-San Diegan-Pagan.
You hold a service twice a month to worship Israel’s Begin.
This situation I can’t judge, it just might be obscene.
All I can do with this case now is send it to the Dean.

     And so I worked my way up through the bureaucratic system.
At every stage their systems crashed as my religion blitzed ‘em.
Advisors, deans, and chancellors all saw their plans break down,
‘Till at last I hit the top and met with Jerry Brown.

So you're the... Carl Sagan-Ronald-Reagan-San Diegan-Pagan!
Why do you meet once in a while to worship Israel’s Begin?
Why can’t you be a normal man and join a normal sect?
Like TM, Zen, the Druids, Scientology, or EST?

Just then a great disaster struck and forced my church to collapse.
Earthquakes took out San Diego, wiping it from the maps.
Sagan’s "Cosmos" royalties caused him to lose his head.
Reagan became senile, so I think my gods are dead.

But now I'm into...  Mister Magoo-R2D2-Do-As-I-Do-Voodoo,
Every week we have a meeting where we praise Cthulhu.
They found no problems with that when I went to re-apply.
I’m in the program even though I can’t determine why!