Melody:		Bamboo ("River, she come down")	Back to Roth's Song Index
By:		Jane Anne Robinson
On:		Dr. Jane's Science Notes, Off-Centaur Publications

You come up with a theory, a questionable theory
But you've got to prove a theory, if you want to write a paper
Oh--Ho, No--Oh, Science

You gather up some data, then bias all the data
And manipulate it shamelessly, and throw it in the paper
Oh--Ho, still no, Science

Drivel, she come down (x 2)

You take a stack of numbers, a random stack of numbers
Then you tidy up the numbers, so they look good in the paper
Ho--Ho, no ho, Science

You take a big statistic, an undefined statistic
Then remove it from its context, so it fits into your paper
No ho, still no, Science

Drivel, she come down (x 2)

So now you've got your theory, all dressed up in statistics
And you organize the paper, so it reasons in a circle
Oh--Ho, social, Science

You leap to some conclusions, they needn't fit your data
But you have to have conclusions, if you're gonna end your paper
Oh--Ho, social, Science

Drivel, she come down (x 2)

Of course you need a buzzword, a nice impressive buzzword
So you settle on "empirical", and put it in your title
Oh--hum, snow-'em, Science

And now you have a paper, with an unsupported theory
In a big prestigious journal, to enhance your reputation
Ruthless, Truthless, Science

Drivel, she come down (x 2)